OBR News-o-rama |
| Posted: 21 Jan 2008 05:34 PM CST Here, from the OBR Home Office in downtown Wickliffe, is a consolidated list of coaching and front office changes for NFL teams over the last couple of days. The bloodletting continues: BALTIMORE - Jan. 19: Named: John Harbaugh (Eagles '07), head coach. DALLAS - Jan. 18: Named: Offensive coordinator Jason Garrett, assistant head coach/offensive coordinator. Jan. 19: Named: Hudson Houck (Dolphins '07), OL coach. DENVER - Jan. 18: Resigned: Assistant head coach/QB coach Mike Heimerdinger (Titans). KANSAS CITY - Jan. 19: Named: Assistant OL coach Bob Bicknell, OL coach. Retired: Defensive quality control coach Darvin Wallis. MIAMI - Jan. 19: Named: Mike Maser (Panthers '06), OL coach. N.Y. JETS - Jan. 19: Named: Bill Callahan (Raiders '03, Nebraska '07), assistant head coach/offense/OL coach. Resigned: OL coach Tony Wise (University of Pittsburgh). PHILADELPHIA - Jan. 19: Resigned: DB coach John Harbaugh (Ravens). ST. LOUIS - Jan. 19: Named: Art Valero (Buccaneers '07), assistant head coach/RB coach; Steve Loney (Cardinals '06, Drake '07), OL coach. Fired: RB coach Wayne Moses; DB coach Willy Robinson. SEATTLE - Jan. 7: Resigned: WR coach Nolan Cromwell (Texas A&M); offensive quality control coach Gary Reynolds (Texas A&M). TENNESSEE - Jan. 18: Named: Mike Heimerdinger (Broncos '07), offensive coordinator. |
| Posted: 20 Jan 2008 08:55 PM CST
Unfortunately, you have no clue what you're doing. You got off to such a great start, too. Hiring Marty Schottenheimer was a masterstroke, a veritable guarantee of regular-season success and playoff disaster. Sure enough, Marty took you to the promised land last year. Driving the Chargers to a 14-2 record and then losing at home... brilliant. How did you build on that success? Norv frickin' Turner? Are you kidding me? He can lose a playoff game, yes, but he has no sense of style. At this rate, there is absolutely no way you're going to be able to join our ranks and enjoy that omnipresent, decades-long sense of doom that hovers around every Browns fan. Unless you up your game, and fast, you might not even get up to Bills-fan level of merciless self-loathing. As old hands at this, though, let us help you find your way. First, your playoff failures need to have a sense of drama. You need to capture the moment. Dropping a 21-12 game where no points are scored in the final 12 minutes is a sad and pathetic attempt at pathos. You need to keep your losses closer than that. Much closer. Nine points down isn't even enough to build hopes up to a reasonable level of optimism. Remember this: Without irrational optimism, there is no crushing despair. The Chargers didn't even allow you to delude yourselves that you might win in the late-going. A gradually mounting sense of unease doesn't cut it when you're really going for a graceful cliff-dive from glory to depression. Here's an example: Say Tomlinson played and ran for 160 yards. It's the final minutes and you're down by two. Then, in the final minutes as he was carrying the ball over the goal line... FUMBLE! Or better yet, have him spontaneously explode because he ate too much Taco Bell. Even better, as he blows up, have the ball fly 99 yards towards your own end zone where it can be covered by one of your own players for a safety to put you down by four AND you have to kick the ball off while they pick up pieces of your running back. That's style. That's how it's done, right there. Also, about your quarterback... Phillip Rivers almost fits the bill. He's nearly perfect. He throws a goofy football, which puts him in the right zone, and he didn't win much in college. Unfortunately, his continued douchebagginess keeps him from being a lovable guy who deserves better. Think Bernie Kosar. Or Brian Sipe. Those were guys you loved, and wanted to see win, only to have their personal agony at falling short serve as the toxic whipped cream on that futility sundae. Give Rivers a personality transplant with, say, a Smurf. Then you're in the zone. You want genuine playoff horror? Talk to a Browns fan. We'll show you how to get it done. |
| Posted: 20 Jan 2008 07:48 PM CST
FROM THE OBR NEWSWIRE (rss) They're not good enough for the Senior Bowl, but they might be good enough for a camp roster (Scout.com) DA gets love from the PFWA. Still not from Cleveland Magazine (PFW) The Titans may franchise Albert Haynesworth! Seriously! (Columbus Dispatch) Browns offensive line coach says the line is as good as it's going to be, and they don't need to work out or practice anymore. No, actually, he says he thinks they can get better and should keep working, (Official Site) Jeff Schudel talks about Andy Pisacek's book (which will be featured in next month's OBR Magazine as well (Morning Journal)
TODAY'S POINTLESS ROSTER NOTE Remember Lang Campbell, who made a little noise in training camp this year, but was crushed under the wheels of Dorseymania? He's still trying to latch onto an NFL team, and had a tryout with the Bills recently.
OUT OF THE BLOGOSPHERE Plain Dealer Condensed: January 20 - Dooshbag Dawg (PD Abuse) Munilot.com: Committed to Gradually Sucking Less - Me (Other stuff) Ray Lewis tries to force Jason Garrett to rob deli - Off the Wagon (Ratbird Abuse) The Ice Bowl - Vinny and the Hornless Rhino (NFL) Rick Nash has the NHL's Goal of the Year...so far - Kid Cleveland (Blue Jackets) A Great Day for the Vikings - Vinny and the Hornless Rhino (CSU) I didn't know Cleveland St. still had a team? - Kid Cleveland (CSU) Cavs Rumors - Random Thoughts (Cavs) Getting On That Bandwagon! - Cleveland Sports Animal (CSU) Two great games yesterday and Sunday - J-Beanie (Cavs/CSU) Cavs down Spurs 90-88 - Halftime Adjustments (Cavs) Hoops Take Center Stage - Cleveland Sports Perspective (CSU/Cavs)
There are 53 of them. Here's the whole freakin' list. Albert, Branden G Virginia |
| You are subscribed to email updates from OBR News-o-rama To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email Delivery powered by FeedBurner |
Inbox too full?  Subscribe to the feed version of OBR News-o-rama in a feed reader. | |
| If you prefer to unsubscribe via postal mail, write to: OBR News-o-rama, c/o FeedBurner, 20 W Kinzie, 9th Floor, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment