OBR News-o-rama

News-o-Rama: 12/24 Posted: 24 Dec 2007 05:22 PM CST The holidays have totally screwed up my normally productive schedule of cranking out the Mighty OBR News-o-Rama. Under regular circumstances, my daily cycle is fairly predictable: 1. Sleep. Wake. Fall back asleep. Wake. Fall back asleep. Wake again when children begin their annoying demands for food or transportation. 2. Various acts of violence involving navigation from bedroom to bathroom. 3. (Unspeakable) 4. Return from bathroom, navigate way to car. Transport off-spring. 5. Return to OBR World Headquarters. Surf. Write News-o-Rama. 6. Contemplate life as a Cleveland sports fan and webdork. Curl up in fetal position and begin the day's weeping. Ingest any needed biological or petrochemical products. Go to (1). It's all very reliable and, at the very least, produces a series of words placed more or less into a logical order sometime before lunch and made available to those who desire to read them. That means you, Mom. The holiday season, however, screws up this clear order of things. There are unnatural demands to travel to places, spend money, visit friends and relatives, and otherwise feign social grace and jocularity. It messes everything up, or at least pushes the news-o-rama into a less reliable schedule of delivery. So, the news-o-rama is late today. It may not even arrive tomorrow, which is some sort of religious holiday. It is up to all of us to deal with this hardship in our own particular way. I choose hard liquor. FROM THE OBR NEWSWIRE (rss): Another item which might encourage one to ingest hard liquor is the result of the Browns weak showing against Cincinnati. Evil Derek was in full display, throwing away four passes as well as, perhaps, a few million dollars and some picks in the 2008 draft. It's hard to imagine that yesterday's performance elevated his post-season value or would tempt the Tuna into giving up the top pick in the draft (eye-rolling). Despite Anderson's re-enactment of his 2006 game against the Buccaneers, the Browns had a chance to win at the end, as weird as it sounds. As a result, we have to also point to contributing factors such as the team's inherent inability to stop the run. This, in turn, was partially due to a thin defensive line and partially due to a disappearing act by the team's outside linebackers. So let's take a moment from tarring and feathering Derek Anderson to ask: did Kamerion Wimbley even play yesterday? Willie McGinest? Antwan Peek? Chaun Thompson? I see their names in the gamebook, it's claimed that he had the only two quarterback hurries yesterday. I must have missed that. The Browns outside linebackers combined for zero solo tackles and three assists yesterday. That's not pointed out much in today's wire, which focuses primarily on eviscerating Anderson and bemoaning the Browns inability to control their own destiny. There are 75 articles of this type since the end of yesterday's game. Playoff Scenarios Tennessean  Pro Football Weekly  Tribune-Chronicle  toledo blade  CBSSports  Official Site Derek Anderson Slapfest Cin Enquirer ABJ  Tribune-Chronicle  PD  Chronicle-Telegram  Yahoo!  Dispatch  DDN Lots more depressing stuff on the wire. Merry Christmas! THE OFFICIAL WORD: For what it's worth, here is the official playoff scenario from the NFL's media folks: Tennessee clinches a playoff berth: 1) TEN win OR 2) TEN tie + CLE loss Cleveland clinches a playoff berth: 1) TEN loss OR 2) CLE win or tie + TEN tie CLINCHED New England - AFC East Division and homefield advantage. Indianapolis - AFC South Division and first-round bye. San Diego - AFC West Division. Pittsburgh -- AFC North Division. Jacksonville -- playoff berth. ELIMINATED: Miami, NY Jets, Kansas City, Oakland, Baltimore, Cincinnati, Houston, Buffalo, Denver. OFF TO THE INJURED RESERVE LIST WITH YOU: In case you didn't catch this in Fred Greetham's report from Berea earlier this afternoon, the Browns have shuffled S Mike Adams and NT Ethan Kelley off to the injured reserve list, which is where they will finish their season. Heartless bastards that we are, we summarily ripped both Adams and Kelley off the OBR active roster and tossed them onto the wasteland that is the Practice Squad / IR page. We took them off the depth chart as well, because life is too short, frankly, to waste it on people who can't even bother to keep themselves un-injured. That will show them.   OUT OF THE BLOGOSPHERE: It turns out that the blogosphere of Cleveland sports fans is less than happy with the way that the team gave away a game at Paul Brown Stadium yesterday. Why Quinn Will Be THE GUY - Mike from Rochester DA Trumps "Bad DA", Folds - John Taylor Browns, Anderson, Shit the Bed In Cincy - Kid Cleveland News-o-Rama: 12/23 - Webdork Week 16 Recap - Cleveland Sports Authority Browns, Anderson, Take a Dump in Cincy - MVN A Call for Quinn to Start for Browns - Browns Gab When It Counts, They Can't Stop the Run - Cleveland Sports Perspective Dark Day - Cleveland Sports Torture Christmas Present For All: Hughes Gone? - Disappointment Zone (Cavs) Golden State 105, Cleveland 96 - Random Thoughts (Cavs) Cavs Trade Rumors - Random Thoughts (Cavs) ELSEWHERE ON THE PLANET: Apparently Alien vs. Predator 2 sucks. I'm not surprised, although I read the comic books and thought there was potential there. As soon as they handed the first one over to Paul W.S. Anderson, the franchise was screwed. He's not to be confused with Paul Thomas Anderson, who probably made the best movie of the year.

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